Earlier this evening, I was sitting in my trusty nursing chair, and I realized, for the first time in many weeks, I was feeling blue. It’s probably not so shocking, considering that I return to work in less than 48 hours. The funny thing is, I think the fast-approaching end to my maternity leave is only part of the blues-inducing situation.
You see, I spend (almost) every waking minute – and sleeping minute, come to think of it – with Vivian. Sometimes Brad will watch her, and I’ll go to the grocery store. Or she will fall asleep snuggling with him, and I’ll catch a quick walk around the block. Most of the time, though, I’m with Vivi, or I’m taking care of business around the house (paying bills, cleaning, etc) while someone else watches her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not implying that Brad doesn’t do his fair share. He’s a very involved parent, and he does help around the house. It’s just… I’m the momma! Most of the childcare does fall to me. It’s a very satisfying job, but let’s be honest: being a parent is work.
Brad lectured me a bit today. I stayed up until 2AM last night writing a post. “It’s not healthy to do that,” he reminded me. He’s 100% right, but though I do need sleep, I also need to have a few hours of uninterrupted “Adria time”.
It’s a conflicting thing, this mommy-hood. I want so much to be there with Vivian, to see her little smiles, not to miss a single moment. But on the flip side, I miss having time for myself. I miss watching a movie or reading a book. I miss snuggling with my husband. I miss having the time to, gasp, exercise. I’m not a monster for needing “me time”, though I’ll admit, I do feel guilty when I’m rocking the baby to sleep with dreams of blogging dancing in my head.
The trick is to find a balance between both… between having precious time with your child and having much-needed time to do something else you love. I struggle with this. Heck, I didn’t even find time to eat dinner tonight.
My solution has been to cut down drastically on “Adria time” and squeeze in an hour or two before bed. Sure, I lose sleep, but what parent doesn’t make sacrifices?
To my fellow parents out there – any tricks up your sleeves for balancing it all?